Monday, October 15, 2001

If terrorists try to take MY plane over. First thing i'd do is whip out my scientific calculator and use it as a blunt object. Secondly, I'd grab the largest friendly passenger and ask him to sit on top of him while I try to wrestle the two Artic Warfare dressed Terrorists trying to take the cockpit. After a quick Fresca break, i'd boil a pot of coffee and throw it ONLY IN THEIR EYES. If I find the pilot, co-pilot and the co-pilot's co-pilot subdued, i'd try to remember all the things taught to me in flight simulator video games, which include: Falcon 5.0, Full Throttle, U.N. Squadran, Crimson Skies and some X-Wing Fighter for good measure (in case the Terrorists are indeed from 'The Empire'). If one of those pastey mutha's try to sneak up on my while I fly by the tower, i'd hit the eject button and see his ass fly off into God's Country. While fighting the loss of cabin pressure (imagine lots of paper flying around me, with my hair not moving at all from all the mousse), I touch down in...Phoenix, since i'm on my way to California.

Of course, some things would be questionable, but i'll try to stick to the plan. The ideal things that would probably not happen (like the Fresca break) and were just put in for humor. Even in the face of pure, diabolical evil, i'd still be cracking jokes like a badass such as myself would.
posted by HZA | 7:45 PM | email | archive