Tuesday, October 23, 2001

PARROTS! Man, I was over my brother's house teaching my niece the 1-2-3's and A-B-C's and such when my bro's wife comes in and says: "Hey H-Dog (Hai) can you help me get Elvis in his cage?" Elvis is this like, 600 lbs. Parrot that my brother has. So I said why the hell not. So i'm talking to my brother over the phone on how to get him in his cage: "You have to put the gloves on and wrap all your exposed skin in towels.." WHAT?! I do what he says and approach the parrot, while listening to the instructions. I tell him (Elvis) to get onto my arm for like, 20 minutes and he won't budge, just starts gawking and flapping his wings. Eventually I get him on, try to back away from the cage and then nudge him in backwards into the cage, but he turns around and get's on top of the cage. This happens about two to three more times.

Meanwhile, my brother's wife tells me about all the scars she's got from the parrot's razor sharp admantium laced claws. I start wondering "What the hell am I doing." I get him on, almost get him in the cage, but the little dude won't get off the glove so I try to push him out, when suddenly all I see is this monstrous beak coming at my face, so I freak out. I pull my arm out of the cage (while Elvis is still on my arm, trying to lunge at my EYES) and then he starts flapping so I throw my arm out with the glove and bird flying. I start running for the living room and he lands on the kitchen floor while my niece and sister-in-law are laughing their asses off. The bird is so afraid of me he won't gimme another chance to throw down with him, so eventually we get him into the cage. Bah, stupid flying mammals.
posted by HZA | 9:31 PM | email | archive