Thursday, December 19, 2002

My Favorite Gimp Lines of all time. I've known the Gimp for nearly....too many years. There's a amiable amount of irony in every wore he utters and ultimately, he never get's enough breaks. One would almost believe that God Almighty has decided to make The Gimps life as frustrating as possible. I can imagine The Gimp standing in front of the Gates of Heaven, only to be denied admission because 'They decided to give my position away to somebody who has more experience.' Enough of this, just listen:

• "They screwed me over on my paycheck."
  Alluding to his never ending saga of jobs. It appears that every other position that he holds, the employer always 'screws' him over on his paycheck. This can vary, from withheld money, incorrect tax bracket or no paycheck whatsoever.



• "Hey, can you spot me? I can get you back next Friday."
  The Gimp is the child in those 'Christian Children's Fund' commercials. You know the one, not enough money for food, shelter and medical expenses. The 'get you back' Friday is in reference to 'Pay Day', which can be traced back to the line above.



• "I'm only a Temp right now, but they're thinking about hiring me on full time."
  The Gimp is the Temp for Hire. He'll temp anything you want to. I'm sure if the money was right and the donuts were free, he'd masturbate Livestock. As usual in Gimp fashion, he almost never get's hired on permanently.



• "I think i'm going to get promoted to [*see details]."
  * = Assitant Manager, Office Manager, Security, Sales Represenative, Head Lingerie Stocker and probably Head of Seton Northwest Neurological Surgery Department as far as I know .



• "I'm packed and ready to move here in a couple weeks."
  Like the common roach, he's still around somewhere.



• "I'm about ready to dump that married chick."
  The Married chick was bad news, yet it still made the Gimps daily news. After months of telling him to forget about that money trap, he persisted. I'm sure there's probably more adultry going on.



• "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!."
  The best Gimp line ever. This one holds a special place in my heart that words cannot easily describe. Not only does he defy authority in this simple, elegent protest, but he calls his own destiny. The defiance of unequality has striking resemblence to Sally Fields' Norma Rae character, who helped unionize Textile Factory Workers. The Gimp is in a Union as well...a Union of one.

As you can see, this list is not complete. Every week, every day, there is more to add. I can't begin to scratch the surface of the human, breathing neurosis that is The Gimp. Hopefully, as scientists have already mapped the human genome, they can work on The Gimp next.
posted by HZA | 3:21 PM | email | archive