Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Car Buying is for the birds. Emily tried to update her antediluvian 99' Corolla for a brand spanking new 03' Model this weekend. Unfortunately, every dealership from North Austin to North S.A. told her the same thing: "Finance me screwing you over for 60 Months--no problem! I just need to get you fill out this Gullibility Check Form."

I guess the most unnerving part of the whole process is, you know, the lying. "Well, according to Kelly Blue Book, your cars only worth X amount of dollars..and also we have to prep the car for resale on our lots." When did a car wash cost $2,000.00??

"There's always a handling fee to process your trade-in, that's why we have to adjust the value." You mean you just paid Willy, the Sophomore from Anderson High School, 400 bucks to drive it to the back?

"We've been given the President's Award three years running. We're going to be featured in Fortune Magazine. It's only given to the top 50% of Dealers in the UNITED STATES. Yes, that's THE United States."

"I can't sell you this car, it sells itself." Then why the hell are you here.

"Let me double check with my manager." Which is another way of saying: 'Let me go check my email again, maybe grab one of those Krispy Kremes.'

"Let me tell you what we do. We take the value of KBB and then NADA then divide it by 1/3, multiply it by Edmunds.com and then times it by 0.0025 to get the value of the car. But these guides aren't market driven, so we chunk that number away. Since we're on neither the East or West Coast, we go by the weather to determine the value of your car. If it's a little humid out, my knees feel swollen, so I have to reduce the value of your trade-in by 20%."

And the infamous: "How much are you expecting to pay a month? $250.00? Can you stretch a little more? Maybe not go out to the movies as much...eat only twice a day? You sure? I can get you into this car for $290.00 a month. Just don't hit the J.Crew Outlet Store as much. Ok, Ok, how about $280.00. Can we do that? Who needs Central AC/Heating anyways?"

Anyways, going off right now. Got me some class tonight. Hope everyone has a good day.
posted by HZA | 9:38 AM | email | archive