Friday, June 18, 2004

Strangest news i've heard all week:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A camouflage-clad German man wielding a samurai sword attacked at least seven hikers in forests west of Berlin, performing sword tricks before ordering them to leave the woods, police said Friday.

They suspect a 46-year-old local man who trained in martial arts and survival skills in camps in Papua New Guinea and Vietnam to be the attacker.

"He's dangerous and has been hard to find because he wears camouflage," said Catrin Feistauer, spokeswoman for the Nauen police department. Police have used infrared cameras mounted on helicopters to try and track him down.

The man pushed two elderly people off their bikes and, flashing his sword, shouted at them to leave the forest. He later tried to drive a young couple out of the woods. No one was seriously hurt.

"It's frightening because the violence level has increased each time," Feistauer said.

I mean, seriously, how hard core do can you be when you push elderly people off their bikes? How do you explain that to your other Samurai buddies at the Geisha Bar?

Samurai Buddy 1: Today, I upheld the Heavenly Tradition of the Tokugawa Shogunate by performing the Divine Wind on usurpers. I fought with just cause and a complete sense of nothingness.

Samurai Buddy 2: The last three weeks I have submitted myself to the Bushido and meditated at the Crest of The Thousand Buddhas. I used the sacred daito to cut my small finger as a sacrifice to our traditions. From there I had wandered as a vagabond through villages and begged for food. Once I had rid any thought of self from my mind, I marched to the Fujinawa and killed for my Lord.

Both look at The German Samurai.

Gunter: Well, shit guys, I was hanging out at this Bike Trail when these two old geezers on their Gary Fisher's came rolling through and disturbed by mid-day meditation. Next thing I new it, I had pushed the old farts off and did some flashy things with my sword.

Pause.

Gunter: I was able to take one of them out, but the old lady was a real firecracker.

Gunter waits nervously as the Samurai buddies look at each other for a second. They nod to each other and begin laughing. Gunter smiles and joins in the jubilation.

Samurai Buddy 1: You crazy man..! (whistles) Hey honey, another round of Saki over here!

They all end up drunk in their floor mats talking about lost love by the end of the night.

The end.


posted by HZA | 10:56 AM | email | archive