Monday, July 26, 2004

There's a dying baby bird outside my front door. Let me tell you, i'm no cold hearted sonuvabitch like my buddy The General, but I wanted to just let mother nature equalize itself by taking the little guy up to bird heaven.

Emily found him yesterday after taking Franky out for his morning bidness. I told her to just leave it alone and hopefully its mother will come looking for him. Sure enough, we happen to have the orphan nestling with a deadbeat mom.

So Em, in a fit of sorrow, puts it in a cardboard box before a pending Sunday thunderstorm. At this point, I was having a decent enough Sunday and then she asks me to go check up on it. I was having the whole 'out of sight, out of mind' thing going on..so suprise, he's still alive and kicking.

I figure we could put it back where we found it so the rains could give him a little push into the afterlife, because anybody who knows me knows that I don't have the facilitiies to 'nurse' anything. My teets are just too small.

At the time of the dumping, some lady walks by and I ask if she's seen any birds around that would be his (why not? It works for all those 'have you seen my child' tv specials). She says if it's fallen out of the nest and if the mother hasn't returned, the only thing to do is euthanize it by ripping it's head off. Well, that wasn't happening, because the little sucker looked like a fetal version of my dog. Even though there are times I want to rip Franky's head off, the little bastard is just too cute.

So it sat in the rain.

The following morning, right before work, I took a glance at the grassy area where the body was and guess what--the little bastard was still alive. I'm serious, this guy has some balls.

I just hoped that he'd pass away peacefully by the time Em got home...well guess what, i'm typing this up as we speak and it's still out there making a gawdawful squawking noise.

I even called some Wildlife Rehabilitators to see anything could be done, but all I got were answering machines. I'll give it one more day before drastic measures are required. The sorry ass thing is that I really do feel like some KFC.

Nature, she's a cruel bitch.
posted by HZA | 5:50 PM | email | archive