Friday, August 27, 2004

"All you punks on Capitol Hill, it's time to recognize. The Chairman has cometh hungry..hungry for the Intercontinental Title Belt. Oh yeaahh."

The Chairman calls out Congress for Economy RAW IS WAR IV on Pay Per View. Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said Friday that the country will face "abrupt and painful" choices if Congress does not move quickly to trim the Social Security and Medicare benefits that have been promised to the baby boom generation.

"The upcoming Pay Per View event, Economy RAW IS WAR IV, will prove to all you sissies that The Chairman is here to stay." Greenspan said during a press event. "I'm gonna bring my 2x4, I'm gonna bring my beating chair and I'm gonna bring my muscle."

After spending the last couple of years nursing a bum knee, The Chairman (a three time ECW Unified Champion) will be making his first Pay Per View appearance since his title match with Kid "Pirahna" Jones in the 2003 ECW Royal Rumble (also on Pay Per View).

"As a nation, we owe it to our retirees to promise only the benefits that can be delivered." Greenspan added, "If we have promised more than our economy has the ability to deliver, as I fear we may have, we must recalibrate our public programs so that pending retirees have time to adjust through other channels."

Joined at the podium were other members of the Federal Reserve (Greenspan's wrestling comrades) such as Brom Sturman, the tag team duo Klick and Klack Summers and Shiela, The Amazonian Thunder.

"We're here to show our support of our leader," said Sturman, the ECW Lightweight Champ, "It's been year of hearing smack from other factions that don't have the snuff to back it up." An obvious reference to other title contenders such as The Brotherhood of Pain and the Senate Appropriations Committee. "If all you [expletive] bring the pain, I want you to know that Brom and the Federal Reserve will bring it back, twelve fold."

Greenspan ended the press meeting by saying, "Though the challenges of prospective increasingly stark choices for the United States seem great, the necessary adjustments will likely be smaller than those required in most other developing countries," he said, noting that Europe and Japan will have a much higher proportion of retirees to current workers in coming years.

The Federal Reserve quickly high-fived each other and broke every piece of furniture in sight.
posted by HZA | 10:33 AM | email | archive