Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Dining with the Whites. Being married to a white girl is in itself, a adventure of funny proportions. There are a couple things that I find hilarious whenever I'm dining out with Em's family. If you've ever met Em's mom's side of the family, they're whiter than Casper eating a Vanilla Sandwich on Wonderbread.

First off, I'm the only brother of any color, so the first thing people probably think is that I'm the family exchange student.

Stranger: "Oh, is that foreign boy an exchange student?"
Family: "Yes, this is Punjab from Qatar. Say hi Punjab."
Me: "Hi. Go Cubs."

Even funnier is when the host staff thinks I'm making a beeline to the Asian family in the back, but I plump myself down with Em's family. The typical face on the hostess is that of: "That yellow guy sure has some balls."

I think next time i'm really going to accentuate myself with clothing that is typically associated with people 'fresh off the boat'. I'll have to search the eBay for some clothing, like an old Scorpions Rock Concert T-Shirt and some black Levi's. The next thing up is the haircut.

My older brother has had a successful run of the "Asian Haircut" for nearly a decade. Much like the Celtics of the 60's, his haircut has dominated all family functions with it's bowl shape and raw intensity. If you put him up to somebody who just flew in from Saigon, you couldn't distinguish the two--it's almost as if they both checked out of the Hanoi Hilton within days of each other.

My little brother (aka The Fever) has a haircut that puts him as an Asiatic Tin Tin. My dad has the Viet-Puff. I can't really explain it, but it's like when a cake rises in the oven and then quickly sprayed with Aqua-net.

My own hair is a cross between a Flock of Seagulls and Mobil 1.

Yet, I jest.

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The lady that dogs our sh*t. I'm not gonna name names, but this is a pretty damn funny story. There's a lady that works with Em who's dogged out our sh*t inadvertently. We spent a good penny (at least for us) on furniture at Rooms2Go, which was a living room set. I won't vouch for the accuracy of the dialogue, but it goes something like this:

Em: "Yeah, we bought our furniture from Rooms 2 Go."
Lady: "Oh, I like their stuff."
Em: "So do I."
Lady: "It's too bad it's poorly made and is of poor materials too."

She should of just said we could of saved some money and found our living room set in the dumpster behind Hunan Lion.

The Xterra. I believe that 20K-25K for an automobile is the target price range for most of young middle class America. Any more than that, you're turning too many tricks. So what a suprise that said Lady comes driving to work in an Xterra.

Em: "Oh, you're driving an Xterra today, how do you like it?"
Lady: "It's my daughters. It's a good student car."

What the? My student car was 87'Accord with 120,000 miles on it. She could of just as easily punched Em and said: "Welcome to the OC, Bitch!".

I'm just kidding though, she's a real nice person (she was at our wedding), but sometimes it sucks to be kitsch.
posted by HZA | 3:07 PM | email | archive