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Thursday, September 23, 2004
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Gas guzzling. I got the Xterra today, which means low mileage per gallon of petrol I put in it. At the Exxon where I filled up, there was a sign that said:
GAS THIEVES: YOU WILL BE PERSECUTED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW.
I amused myself by thinking "wouldn't that be cool to pool together a group of surly men for the sole purpose of stealing gas? Like..Gas Pirates?". In addition to the Amber Alert system, they would have a Buccaneer Banner Board: WARNING, PIRATES SEEN ON IH-35. TAKE LOOP 1 DETOUR.
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I got a sh*t load of Velvia. I bought 15 rolls of Fujifilm Velvia 50 the other week and have yet to process the roll I shot last weekend. If anybody knows of an alternative to slide processing/mounting in North Austin besides Precision and Holland Ph0to, lemme know.
I was down at St. Edwards Park Saturday/Sunday afternoons to shoot a roll. I kinda wandered off the trail system and came upon a running brook. On a tree near the trail down to the brook, there was a business card plastered to a tree that had a Biblical excerpt printed on it.
First thing that came to my mind was sh*t, this is the scene in the movie where the slasher comes from behind, rips my jugular out and makes me into a loveseat at Teresa M1nks Leather Gallery. Since it was already getting dark and everything in the woods seemed to have eyes at this point, I turned around and headed back to my car.
On the way back, I got startled when I thought I saw a human torso. It was just a tubular canvas bag filled with dirt. To make it all worse, I was getting thirsty. At one point, I ran into a couple who were looking for a picnic spot. I told them it was all pretty much brushy or too thicketed to sit down anywhere and have a picnic. They thanked me and I went home.
On my return, I told Emily about the couple. She looked up with her big blues and said: "There was a couple that was killed there 10 years ago, looking for a picnic spot. It was some killer that had an infatuation with The Rapture."
I was shocked.
"This film is cursed" I said, "it is possessed by Mazu-Mazu. El Diablo. The Great Betrayer. Baal. Mephistopheles. Old Snatch. Quickly, get me my Holy Water..And a Sandwich, I'm starvin like marvin."
Just kidding. I made up the last part about the murder, cursed film and Holy Water. Seriously.
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I can't get that song from The Damn Yankees, "High Enough", out of my head.
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FANMAIL! I periodically get fanmail from people, mostly asking for advice on their lives. I've asked if I could share some of their questions with my avid readers, which they graciously said yes:From: Angie Donovan [VURBWSQSQ@online.ie]Sometimes helping people is all I can do. That's all folks.
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Dear Angie,
Thanks for the kind words, I'm glad my site has helped you through those troubling times. You must understand that your Grandmother is a racist because she is a product of her culture. This doesn't make it right, but it explains some things. What I would explain to her, however, is that Children are not necessarily a 'race' and that she shouldn't hate them vehemently. Thanks again, your buddy, HZA.
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Dear Queen,
Living with an alcoholic is very tough, as I have first hand experience. I've been one for over four years. The turning point in my life was when I was thrown into County to serve back to back DWI sentences and passed around like cheap pair of Jordaches. That might do the trick for you. Thanks again, your buddy, Hza.
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Dear Weston/Jeremy,
I find that if you combine bleach, citrus extract and a little elbow grease, you can get that blood trail leading from your bathroom to the trunk of your car in no time. If you're still worried about leaving germs, bacteria or incriminating evidence, I suggest a anti-bacterial wipe (such as the ones Clorox sells). Thanks again, your buddy, HZA.
posted by HZA | 1:47 PM | email | archive
