Thursday, September 09, 2004

I am a man of immoderate needs. I'll be the first to admit that I like the finer things in life. Who doesn't. Take yesterday's lunch for example: I wanted a nice brick oven roasted chicken breast, marinated with just brine and served with sauteed red/yellow peppers. Some steamed asparagus with a little creamy mushroom sauce put lightly over the course.

As I like to drink a nice glass of port with my meals, I figure a nice cabernet sauvignon would do nicely. Something from Napa or Washington state, as I'm not too high strung. For dessert, a peach melba, with just a touch of Lustau Sherry.

Well, I didn't get any of that. I had this bitchin' Banquet "BIG ONE" sized frozen dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and corn. To tell you that they mean business, there's huge print on the box exclaiming, "GENEROUS PORTIONS."

I overcooked it however, which sounds funny because in actuallity, I over-microwaved it. The chicken tasted like that one or two pieces of REALLY hard pork grinds you usually find at the bottom of the bag. The fried chicken meat was pretty close in consistency to the hide used for baseballs. The corn and mashed potatoes however, were exquisite.

Instead of a nice glass of vino, I helped my self to the "GENEROUS PORTIONS" of water from the work water cooler. For dessert, a banana. I think this is the first time I've ever thought to myself, damn, this is a BIG banana...It's kind of intimidating.

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Music news. Franz Ferdinand won England's Mercury Prize. Other great British rock/rap acts have been nominated or won, such as Coldplay (Parachutes), Badly Drawn Boy (Hour of Bewilderment) and Gomez (Bring it on).

The Thrills are coming out with a new album next week! If you haven't had a chance to check out So Much For the City, I suggest you do.

Johnny Cash is still dead.

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Bad Movies. I don't know what came over me, but I've watched a slew of bad movies on HBO over the last couple of months. Here's a taste of the programming hell I've been put through:

1.) Biker Boyz - Endearing coming of age story about Biker Gangs. Lawrence Fishburne plays the father to the protagonist, who is a bastard child. Intertwined with crotch rockets, bad metaphors and the two asian guys that ride ATV's, this is the most confusing 'bike' movie ever made. By the end of the movie, the prerequisite for success in street racing is how much bike you can afford--as Lawrence Fishburne has only 1 of 2 nitrous kitted Suzuki Hayabusas (of which Kid Rock has the other one). Huh?

2.) Shadow Men - 'B' Movie with Eric Roberts, Sherlyn Fenn and Dean Stockwell. It was released around the time MIB came out and appears to be a less satirical action dramedy. In fact, everything appears to be less than MIB: production, special effects, the script and the acting. The premise is pretty generic, Eric Roberts has been abducted by aliens, returned and is harrassed by the Men in Black.

SPOILER: The Men in Black are actually a cross breed of aliens and man. They all do a mean Hugo Weaving impression as well. Dean Stockwell is the sympathetic anti-MIB guy who has the best line in the movie: When the MIB's fleet of Ford Crown Vics rush Stockwell's compound, he has rigged explosives at the entry way. Waiting outside, he sees them crossing over, hits the detonator and says, "M-I-B meet T-N-T!". Boom.

I don't want to spoil the ending for you, but here's a hint: It sucks.

3.) What A Girl Wants - This is the Amanda Bynes vehicle that was to put her in the same stratosphere as Hilary Duff, Anne Hathaway and Lindsay Lohan. To be truthful, I think Emily actually enjoyed watching this because it was set in England. This movie actually does pose a very good question: how much did they have to pay Jonathan Pryce to star in this?

I know it's kinda harsh to criticize a teen movie, but if it shows up on my TV, hey, it's open season.

4.) Strange Hearts - I really don't know what to say, except that it tries to be more than it is. Starring Robert Forster and ex-Manson-ite Rose McGowan...crap, I have nothing left to say about this movie. If it's on the channel preview, immediately skip and go straight to ESPN.

5.) Steel - This will be my 2nd time seeing this fine art film. Shaq plays a US Army Alloy Metal specialist in their special weapons development program. Say what? Isn't that like Stephen Hawkings playing center for the Knicks? It's true.

At one point, somebody is wronged and Steel creates (with the help of Anabeth Gish) a super suit made of..yeah, steel to fight gang related crime. To tell you the truth, the special effects weren't bad and were used to great effect--especially when they made Judd Nelson actually look like a prick.

SPOILER: Shaq is the big black one.
posted by HZA | 10:15 AM | email | archive