Monday, October 11, 2004

Anatomy of a work trip...Because it sucked (to an extent):

Thursday - 10/7/04

4:30am - Wake up, hit snooze button, snooze more.

4:45am - Wake up again, hit snooze button, again.

5:00am - Up and taking a shower. So tired, washed body with shampoo, cleaned hair with soap, brushed eyelids.

5:30am - Em takes me to the airport. Since she's accustomed to waking up at Vampire-ish times, is quite lively. I'm just a corpse.

6:00am - Get to airport and wait in line. Boggled by the amount of people at the airport this early. Make it through security without getting fondled.

6:20am - Wait to board the airplane. People w/Special Needs, Filthy Rich and people that happily got bumped to First Class board first. Chumps like me are in Group 2.

6:40am - Plane is sparse. I get lumped towards the rear with two yapping lawyers who used to work at the same firm.

7:00am - Lawyers talk about passing the California Bar Exam. They talk about the good old days at the old firm. They talk so much, I can't grab a wink of sleep.

8:00am - Tried to sleep, but Lawyers complaining about their Audi's and BMW's. One complains that he can't find a good home for about 350K in Austin. I get close to slitting my wrists.

8:30am - Finally fall asleep, but suddenly waken up by cramp in neck. Decline blanket from Stewardess because of machismo, but suffer freezing for 15-20 minutes before asking for blanket.

At some point, cross over into Pacific Time.

7:00am - Lawyers complain about not being partners. I start reading my 'Consumer Reports' magazine I got for the trip. Find out more about the best brands of Paint than I would ever want to know.

7:45am - See one Lawyer slip his bag of peanuts into his briefcase.

7:59am - Lawyers finally shut the hell up.

8:00am - Land.

8:30am - Arrive in California office. Get put to slave labor immediately.

9:00am - A Japanese guy is training me on new software. Since the software is homebrewed, some functions don't work right. Watch in amazement as he talks to other Japanese coworkers in grunts and noises.

10:30am - Finish training. Wonder to myself why they flew me out here to train for two hours. Good to see my buddy H. who just adopted a baby.

12:00pm - H. and I go out to lunch, where he tells me his house is now worth 500K. I feel awkward with my $10.00 belt.

1:00pm - Sit around in my makeshift cubicle, trying not to look too out of place.

2:00pm - Still sitting around. Yawn every five minutes. They got a new color copier that was pretty bitchin'. H. and I try to copy m0ney on it to see how it looks. 20's turned to yellow. I said they should try to counterfeit quarters on that thing.

3:00pm - Desperately looking for some coffee to wake me up.

4.00pm - They ask me to work on a few projects. I say sure.

4:30pm - Stupid move.

5:00pm - Still working on project.

5:30pm - Almost...there.

6:00pm - Everyone's going to Chevy's for Happy Hour. Chevy's is a Tex-Mex place that's about 1/3 Chuy's.

7:00pm - A Corona and Margarita later, go back to H.'s house to see his new baby.

7:30pm - See his baby, which is cool.

9:00pm - Finally check into the Hotel. Watch Sports Center.

10:30pm - Fall asleep, hoping I wake up in the morning at home.

Friday 10/8/04

7:00am - No dice. Still in Cali.

7:30am - Hotel has a breakfast buffet that wasn't half bad. They had sausage patties the size of pancakes. WOW.

8:00am - Back to the grind and my temporary cubicle. Finish project the project from yesterday.

8:30am - Fix their stupid printer and their stupid paper jams that drive me insane.

10:00am - Fill in on the latest gossip, about who's sleeping with who and whatever. Nobody is sleeping with anybody and everyone hates their job.

12:00pm - Go to an Indian Buffet with the guys from Engineering. Food was great, but it put me in 'The Hindi Zone'. Was functioning at 50% of brain capacity because I was so drowsy from the food.

1:00pm - Hit the bathrooms w/a vengeance. Was surprised that they have higher quality toilet paper than we do in Texas. Filled out a grievance w/ H.R.

1:30pm - Filled out the reimbursement for my hotel room, found out that they overcharged me 10 bucks. Head accountant blows a vein in his forehead and calls the hotel up demanding a 10 dollar chargeback. Taken back by the absurdity of it all.

2:00pm - Wish I had a flask of Whiskey to dull the pain of meetings.

3:00pm - Get a ride back to the airport w/head accountant (he's running company errands). Didn't watch myself, because when I he dropped me off at the curb, I said to him, "Catch you later dawg."

4:00pm - Get my ticket and past security without any problems. Buy a copy of ESPN The Magazine and after reading half of it, notice that it's a week old. Get pissed off at myself.

5:40pm - Flight back home.

7:00pm - Two people next to me are pretty annoying. An older guy with HUGE headphones and some weird lady with a bright red jacket. They start yacking and want me to join their conversation. I just pretend to fall asleep and wish I was dead at this point. I think the lady farted, or a raccoon died in the cabin.

Cross back over into Central Time.

10:00pm - The lady ordered some fine wine from the stewardess. Get's up to whiz every five minutes. Smells of cheap merlot now in my aisle.

11:00pm - Home. Em picks me up at the airport. Never thought I'd be more glad to be back in Austin.

Conclusion: Home is where the heart is (and my computer, my TV and all my other stuff). -fin-
posted by HZA | 3:00 PM | email | archive