Thursday, April 14, 2005

Complete, utter randomless:

1.) Did you hear Britney Spears is pregnant? I SWEAR, it wasn't me.

2.) The Rain, oh man, the rain. The funniest thing about Em is when there's a big storm coming through she'll automatically perk up all scared and sh-- and say: "IS THE SKY GREEN?! IS THE SKY GREEN?!" thinking a Level 10 Twister is right around the corner.

3.) I'm now certified to save your life. I took a CPR/AED class at work, now the American Heart Association has licensed me to save your sorry ass. The next time you choke on ice, dial my number. I'll be there in 30 minutes or less, depending on my work load. If I cannot locate a pulse on your neck, I will send someone to get the defibrillator so I can shock some sense into that piece of coal you call your heart.

If you're expecting some lip on lip action while I do some assisted breathing, you're out of luck buddy, I only use the mask/tube thing.

Otherwise, I'm now certified to save your life.

4.) Relief on the cheap. "Baby!" I told Em, "Baby! I really need some of that NyQuil if I'm gonna make it through the night."

"Here, have some Kirkland's Brand 'Night Time' syrup. It's just as good as the name brand stuff and a third of the price!"

"Baby!" I told Em, "When did you turn into a commercial?"

5.) This tagline popped up on my news page: "Judge Rules Lilly's Zyprexa Patent Valid." ..but what happened to Riley's Xyprorphia?
posted by HZA | 10:56 PM | email | archive